6 ways to spoil her pleasure

This article is intended to those men who want to punish their girlfriends for some crimes ladies often commit. Did she prevent you from watching soccer match by her foolish chatter? Did she use your shaving foam to remove hair from her legs or, to make things worse, from her bikini zone? You will not find a better way to punish her for bad behavior. There is nothing worse than spoiled sexual pleasure!

So let us begin.

Tip one. Buy an expensive bed with a beautiful metal backrest

Usually these backrests consist of metal sticks adorned with golden and silver small balls, bricks, discs and other foolish things which entrap long hair as soon as a pretty girl gets into this piece of furniture which provides not only a place to sleep. A friend of mine used to have such a bad, and if only he wished he could begin production of natural hair wigs.

Tip two. Be too anxious about her orgasm

Men think that sex without orgasm is as good as apple pie without apples. Or even without pie. However, women can get sexual pleasure without achieving culmination. Indeed, they love orgasm, but orgasm itself is not necessary. Do you expect all soccer players to score only with their heads? No, you are glad they did not squander chance. Therefore, ask her every too seconds “Did you cum? Did you cum?” and she will not get any kind of pleasure. Yes! You did it!

Tip three. Have a testosterone injection

This is a myth that best lovers have a high level of testosterone. Do not believe those liars who advertise testosterone injections which “guarantee erotic success”. Harvard researches have carried out a lot of experiments which involve mice given testosterone injections. The results were always the same. Indeed, at first he-mice displayed increased sexual activity. But after some time testosterone begins influencing experimental mice in quite a strange way. The rodents stop coupling and instead try to nurse their ex-loves like mothers: to breastfeed and to lick them. Nobody knows what female mice think about this, but your partner is very unlikely to be glad if you begin making for her diapers out of sheets. Testosterone injections will deprive your girlfriend of pleasure, unless she enjoys being wrapped in swaddling band.

Note. Keep in mind, that testosterone injections will prevent you from making love as well as her. However, this is wrong. She will give you up and find another lover, who prefers making love on sheets, rather than making diapers of them. Unfortunately, you will remain single. Women are not kids, they want sex!

Tip four. While making love try to recall what is the German equivalent for “eggplant”

Those who claim that one can delay ejaculation by thinking about something not related to sex and pleasure is wrong. On the contrary: while you are meditating on flowers, bees and value added taxes, your orgasm will take occasion and occur. But if you are patient and persistently trying to delay your orgasm, than your brain will try to take control of the situation – there is a chance it will manage to do this.

Do you want to spoil her pleasure? Than think about something obscure while making love to her. You will cum before her whereas she will have to enjoy orgasm only in her rich imagination.

Actually, if she is clever and sexually literate enough, she will say you are fool and satisfy her self with an adult toy. Didn’t you know that there are adult toys which make your penis unnecessary?

In the last resort, she will find another boyfriend who does not care about German eggplants. By the way the German equivalent for eggplant is Aubergine.

Tip five. Let your bedclothes show your sex biography

Some day, very soon humankind will invent sheets which themselves remove everything which get on them: dog hair, butter, chips and …of course, evidences of your being a full-fledged male who has recently have very close and trustful relationships with a peroxide-blonde who uses scarlet lipstick and forgets her false nails on pillows.

So if you want to make your girlfriend angry (to say the least of it) do not wash your bedclothes after date with another woman. By the way, this is the best way to get rid of a girl you are fed up with.

Tip six. Follow foolish tips

Apply all your knowledge taken from sex magazines. Of course, you know that these magazines tried to protect your nerves against stress. They tried to make you an optimist and of course to persuade you to buy their masterpiece. They tried to convince you that your penis size does not matter. They claimed you must not do anything to satisfy your girlfriend. Why the hell you have to suffer and work hard like a miner if she can enjoy an adult toy and achieve quite good results! Adult toys are made exactly for this purpose – to allow you be idle in bed!

Follow all the magazines’ tips! Believe that everything is simple! Do a few frictions, cum, than give her an adult toy and begin watching soccer. Nobody will spoil YOUR pleasure!